Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
