My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
