Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
