8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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