Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
