True but thats because hes a fetus.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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