You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
