Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
