I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
