I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
