I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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