oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
