census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
