I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
