I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The air was thick with penises
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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