Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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