Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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