The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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