Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
