I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
