i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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