You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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