Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
