I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
