I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
