I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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