ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
