sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
