We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
