I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
cat food counts as protein by the way
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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