All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize