we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
