And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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