i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
