do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
