remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize