thus making me awesome and them whores
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
