I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Green mimosas i think yes
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
