My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
