mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize