I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
