Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
