i permit you to call me
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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