I'm lost and stupid without you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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