It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
