She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
