heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
