I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize