Acid is not a monday night drug
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
