Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
