My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Drunk is not a location!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
