apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
