i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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