I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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