i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
