if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize