I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
