I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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