If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
