Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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