Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
