I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
