What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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