Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
