Can i not drive my cunt home
Just fell off a train. Bad.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
