she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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