I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
