I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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