if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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