Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize