i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
tell me about the eggs
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