i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
